Utopia

Day 1: Voyage to “The Hideaway”

Well, really Utopia, TX. We were supposed to have left three hours ago but we’re still parked in front of the house. Classic. Each of us is suped up with electronics. Ipods, cameras, gameboys, and Ben with his first ever cellphone. An amazing feat for a now fourteen year old boy. 
I'm the odd man out and have brought a book instead.

“Please drive to highlighted route”.

And we’re off!

Later that evening…

Phew! Already 60 degrees and dropping inside the cabin. I have doubles of almost everything on plus gloves! Ended the night playing Apples to Apples and laughing hard at the results.

Day2: Rain

Sprinkled all day. Not too terribly bad though! Found a flock of wild turkeys. Dad was excited and gobbled at them after taking pictures. We were schmucked out of $25 to get into Lost Maples State Park. Turns out it’s a hiking only park and who wants to hike in the rain anyway? We chanted “dirty double dealers” on the way out. Sat in a wooden bird blind… Stared out and saw one poor miserable bird.

Day3: Exploration

Went to Garner State Park today. Climbed part of the steep trail. After we got to White Rock Cave Alicia and I realized that converse plus muddy uphill hiking don’t mix. So, we all climbed back down… much to Ben’s disappointment.

The best part was tonight. We suited up into ski suits and waddled out into the night. We looked like astronauts which was perfect because of the abundance of stars overhead. Alicia, Ben, and I startipped while the parents took pictures. We swapped gobbles and hoots throughout the night, trying to persuade any creature to call out. We heard two hoot-hoots, some coyotes, and a few unruly dogs.

Got back to the cabin and scraped the 3-4 inches of mud off our shoes. Made tea, hot chocolate, and painted a rock with our names on it to display in the cabin. Now we’re waiting around to play a game, most likely Apples to Apples again, while Ben and Dad discuss why Jesus chose Peter.

Day 4: Departure

Dad has slipped into his Chinese accent and has walked around interjecting “Ah, so…” and “I tink maybe” into his speech. Peels of laughter break out anytime he says anything. We’re all packed and headed out. Many stops to “hysterical” markers along the way home. And frequent stops to take pictures of hawks and various other birds. Dad makes a game out of it by showing us the pictures he's taken and asks, “Who’s that Pokémon?”

Upon slacking while wrapping presents.

We are sisters.

"Hey, lets look at each other!"

"Yeah! Thats a good idea!"

 "And now... we'll have bows!"

"Yeah!"

 "Now do something cool and jump or something!"

"What should we do now?"

"Look awkward?"

"Okay!"

Merry Christmas

Finals

Make me feel crazy.

Like the library is starting to smell like home.

Like this past cup of coffee was one too many.

Like that person who just started tap dancing in the elevator.

Make me throw things.

Papers and Note cards

Out of my backpack

Off my shoulders

Around my room

Make me wish I was

Driving with my hand out the window

Snuggling with a schnauzer

Chopping off my hair
Dying a slow and painful death

But three more days and I’ll be home.

Finally, finally, finally.

Fall

This semester in particular has been my favorite. It’s contained wooden floors, slug pajamas, numerous chai teas, spontaneous midnight trips to the lake, drawings displayed on refrigerator doors, and learning that we were made to be messy with each other; that we live and grow together that way. Oh yeah, and laughing, lots of laughing. The pee your pants, I accept you for exactly who you are, kind of laughing.

I’ve learned all about “irrational thoughts vs. real life”. Let me explain. Sometimes I have crazy irrational thoughts about situations I’m in. Through friends I've learned that almost all of these thoughts are not real life. Here are some examples:

·         “If I stare at people’s eyes when they walk down the sidewalk, they’ll appreciate it, and will be thankful when they look up and I creepily smile at them to wish them a good day.”

·         “If I laugh louder than everyone else, everyone will think that I am the funniest girl there.”

·         “The amount of people that like my status on facebook equals the amount of people who like me in reality.”

Obviously, none of these things are real life.

I think the thing I’ve loved most about this fall is the family I’m a part of here at SFA. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Ever. I’ve never felt so free to be myself, to laugh until I double over crying, to make stress balls with flour smeared all over my face, or to dance while I’m speaking to people. And I completely and totally agree that this is all the Lord, and not me at all. Everything was so divinely planned. Best friends, sisterhood.

So thank you Fall 2010 for Gloria, couch surfing, burning pancakes, laying down in the middle of the railroad tracks, and boys with Louis Vuitton backpacks.

Star Trek

Every time I come home my family and I catch up on the latest sci-fi. Anything with the word "star" in it we've probably already seen, and we've probably got it on dvd. Star trek, Star Wars, The Last Starfighter...

Star Trek is probably our most favorite.

Here's how things go. Dad pops the popcorn. Alicia, Ben, and I snuggle into the couches. Someone calls the Tobe- otherwise known as our schnauzer Toby. And mom sings the beginning credits to the episode.

My house is filled with quartz crystals and petrified wood. We play monopoly. We dig through magazines for bizarre ads and post the prized ones on the fridge. This year nobody likes my music and tells me I am becoming a hippie. "Pomegranates?" my dad says, "You're eating what now?" Also, this year I discovered that I live in a family of giants. I stood in the middle of the kitchen during Thanksgiving and found that I was smaller than everyone there. I was constantly looking up while speaking to people. My grandma was the first to notice, "I told you Caitlin! You're the runt."

I've learned invaluable life lessons through my family. Lessons like: singing songs about one another is acceptable in the house but not acceptable in public, fighting over how much the dog loves you proves that you are the most loved, and that only your siblings are going to fully appreciate how hard you worked to beat that last boss. As a unit we create a safe place for each other, allowing each member to be as strange and offbeat as they care to be. I don't think I'd be me without this crazy Holman clan.

"Beam me up Scotty."

Acorns

A few days ago I woke up and was filled with a sense of rebellion. It was completely irrational. I felt like I was in junior high. I ended up having an argument with God on the way to class.

You know those days where you wake up and something goes just a little bit wrong? Your alarm clock was just a little bit too loud, or Pandora just happened to decide to hate you and played all of your least favorite songs while you got ready for class. That’s how it felt.  And that small seed of angst seeped through my logic and ended up making me angry for no reason.

I ended up wearing the most unruly outfit I could find in my closet. Skinny jeans, converse, Where the Wild Things Are too big for me t-shirt, blue flannel jacket, mustard yellow frumpy hat. It was crazy, it made no sense. I even told God I was sorry in advance.

So I texted Michelle- “Feeling really rebellious and angsty today. Please pray for me. PLEASE”

Got out of class and started walking down the sidewalk. Out of nowhere there was a wave of leaves. Reader, you don’t even understand. I was covered. They were in the shoulder of my shirt, my hair, my hands. Then my unexpected, unrealistic emotion began to soften. I looked up at the tree and said to God, “Wait. You still love me?”

And that’s when I was pelted by acorns.

Acorns that responded: “Duh I love you. But don’t do that again.”

The Usual

Here are some thoughts I had while in a coffeeshop.

• "I should blog about this."
• "My pen is too fat."
• "I wish I could stay in a coffee shop forever."
• "I love the sound of people; The idea that I can be identified with a group of people while sitting by myself and studying. Like two soul associations."
• "My chai always tastes better towards the bottom."
• "I've never seen a boy be so enthusiastic with his gestures. He's throwing his hands in the air."
• "I'm not wearing shoes."
• "Is that socially appropriate?"
• "I'm sitting on a couch."
• "Did I just hear that young freshman couple say they were setting Shakespeare to 90's songs?"
• "I hate writing on the back of notebook paper."

Wednesday

So, tonight I was talking to God in my car on the way back home from Tabu. We were talking about how I take my life entirely too seriously. I started saying, "God, will you just show me that it's okay to relax and have fun? Please show me that it's good to laugh."

At that exact moment a car full of teenagers pulled up next to me. "Oh gosh..." I thought and looked forward. The boy sitting in the front seat honked his horn. I turned. He waved at me, blew me a kiss, and drove away.

At first I was offended.
Then I thought about the conversation I was just having.
And laughed all the way home.

I love mornings.

Especially rainy mornings like today. It makes me feel like I'm in some British movie reading Benjamin Bunny and eating a scone. But in reality, I woke up in a house with wooden floors and ate breakfast across the table from a plastic Christmas angel named Gloria.

Minimal Encouragers

I woke up an hour early this morning- which is probably one of my favorite ways to wake up. It meant I didn’t have to deal with that sassy alarm of mine. You know, the one that yells at you until you groggily hit snooze. More like disarm.

I gathered my things, made a PB&H and headed out the door. Blue carpet hallway, stairwell, step, step, step, walk forward, push door open. That’s where a  huge chilly breeze gushed through my face swirling my hair the way Pocahontas looked when she sang all the colors of the wind. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but it was pretty nice.

And that’s when it happened.

The thing I’ve been waiting to see since early September.

A sheet of fall leaves fell down all around the sidewalk and the man on a lawnmower.

I wasn’t particularly excited about the man, but rather the dusty swirl of leaves. I see a lot of God in nature. So, seeing the fall leaves was just a huge reminder that God is here. Still present, even on a routine walk to class.

Serendipity

Today I realized that I have some freakishly great things happening this semester.

Exhibit A: 

My Gerontology teacher has a curled mustache.

Exhibit B: 

I have escaped cafeteria food.

Exhibit C: 

"How embarrassing, Fergie-ferg, Who are you right now, and Duh" 

have become key to ANY conversation. 

What more could a girl ask for?

Bandwagon

Alright, I've done it. I've given into this blog fad. Although, I suppose its better than other trends I've followed... Like dressing like Avril Lavigne, dancing the macarena, or that one time I jumped off a bridge because my friends were doing it.

On another note, I was kind of hoping my first entry would be something profound. Like, this morning I was handed a 20 dollar gift card to Starbucks by a kind Samaritan. Or hey blogging world, today a leaf flew into my hand on the way to class. Both of which haven't happened to me. I suppose instead I'll write that earlier this week I walked behind a rather buff, thug life young man with a Louis Vuitton backpack on campus. It was unexpected, and gave me a good chuckle on the way to the Student Center.